It seems dating is becoming much harder for men these days. If it weren’t bad enough to deal with all of the other complexities and hoops you’re required to leap through, you also have the added bonus of not getting any sugar after you’ve put in the time. As in: no sex, even when you’re dating someone exclusively. Many smart, sexy and successful women are choosing a life of phallic crime: celibacy, abstinence, or born-again virginity. You might have heard about it, or maybe you’ve even dated one. But for many men it’s just another irritating bridge they can’t cross, and many are choosing not to date re-virginized women.

The Terms:

Some terminology first: Celibates choose to live a life without sex. Usually ever. Abstinents are waiting for The Man They Will Marry, and refuse to date vicariously. Born-again virgins, the most popular of the movement, differ from abstinents in the way that they want a very serious relationship but on their terms only.

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Being cheated on sucks, no holds barred. But what is the reality? What does or did she have, that you didn’t? How did you lack? Did you lack, or was she this evil entity that ruined your relationship with nary a thought, only fixating on your man because she couldn’t get her own? Is she a sly dog that crept up, and preyed upon him, when you were having problems? When he was vulnerable? Ha. Keep telling yourselves that, ladies. Keep creating a witch, instead of dealing with the fact you stopped meeting his needs and someone else started fulfilling them.

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It started in our preteen years, with going away to camp for the summer. The first crushes, kisses and whats-its are stuck firmly in our heads. Usually surrounded by a soft, shimmering air of ‘ah, youth!’ and a silly grin. It then moved into teen-hood, with having the week-long boyfriend. The Grease romance, the one without a future. Is it any different when we pretend we’re grown-ups, and have a summer fling? Is there even a reason to bother, if it’s not going to pan out? And isn’t a summer romance just a long, drawn-out one-night stand? When you’re thinking about a summer affair, here are a few considerations:

Summer Flings Are Great For:

Ego boosts. It’s summer, you’re wearing less layers and feeling sexier. More attractive. The attention of a summer fling can elevate that feeling to new heights. Inhibitions are dampened, holidays are taken and you meet tons of new people. You can even reinvent yourself for the time you’re on vacation. It’s liberating. We also go slower in the summer and relax more- which means open to possibilities.

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One of the worst things that ever happened to women was the logic card.  We rate, we debate and we rationalize whether or not we should even bother with him.  What we’re forgetting- what we forget, consistently- is there are so many un-plucked, good guys that could be the answer.  Not Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now, but Mr. Hello.  Mr. Nice to meet you.  Has Hollywood really destroyed your sense of romanticism and given you such unreal expectations that you’ll never take less?  Less is more, when you want a relationship.

Of course, you can wait for Brad Pitt…if you’re Jolie-equese.  If you’re one of the normal, average (yet beautiful) people you’ll need to start opening yourself up.  To possibility.  How much time are you wasting- and aging- by going through a negative list of how he doesn’t measure up?  It’s tiring and it’s an absolute waste of time.  He’s in your circumference if you look.  A friend, a colleague, the man who always remembers your favorite magazine in the shop.  The neighbor who always opens the door.  The mailman that puts  your letters priority.  Available, attainable men.  Good men that are waiting, in the back of their minds, for you.

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We all love slang, and using slang to describe romance, until it gets over-killed. What was hot a year or two ago now seems so passe. Uber-uncool. If you’re jumping into the dating scene again, it might help to know a bit of the latest dating slang. Not necessarily to use it successfully, but at least to understand. Of course, there will be some reading these terms, rolling their eyes and saying: duh, that was so yesterday…! But many people in the mainstream are a few years behind the hipsters, and those facing dating again after a break or pause could use some wording up help:

The Ladies:

A bunny boiler: A woman who gets crazed, obsessive and is scary. From Fatal Attraction, the famous scene of the pot on the stove, boiling-?

To glomp: Similar to a bunny boiler, but less drastic- a little desperate. Usage is:  Is she glomping you? I think she was glomping me.

Guyatus: When a girl or woman takes time off of dating anyone, usually after a bad experience. She’s ‘suffering from guyatus.’

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It’s a well-known fact that we’re constantly sending signals to people.  Body language, gestures and phrases all come into play.  What we may not realize, though, is how our appearance plays a part in sending signals, too.  From clothing to hair and make-up, we’re telling the world where we’re at emotionally.  Knowing what you’re showing can help you understand why you’re getting the reactions you are, and how to modify yourself to being irresistible.

Starting with hair: the length of your hair can reflect your personality.  The shorter and more stylish it is, the more it tells others you’re high-maintenance, high-strung and meticulous.  It can also be a signal of insecurity because of the constant upkeep.  The most girlfriend-friendly hairstyles are mid-length, from chin to shoulders.  You take care of yourself, but don’t overdo it.  Long hair can be two different things:  either you’re attempting to recapture or play on youthfulness (which can be a sign of desperation if you’re an older woman) or that you simply don’t care.

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Aren’t you really tired- exhausted, even- by your stalker?  How in the h-e-double-hockey stick do  they think not leaving you alone will make them attractive?  Seriously?  The tweets, the texts, the emails, the stopping by the flat randomly to say hello and then screaming at the neighbors to let them in are all…super-bad.  When a person likes someone, the best way to go about attracting them  is not scaring them silly. Just an idea.

It was interesting to find out that out of twelve women, at least one will be stalked in her life.  And for you men out there, you might be interested to find out one out of forty-five are going to be stalked. By other men. You’d envision Bunny Boilers, but you’re getting Harry Hares instead. Oh, yes, please.  Isn’t it nice to know someone finds you yummy?

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The popularity of Twitter is twinkling some eyes, while tweaking anger in others.  If you don’t Twitter, you’re painfully uncool- just take a look at the Twitterati.  Twitter can be addictive, fun and give you connections.  But can it affect your relationship?  The good and bad news for romance:  the Twitter singles scene is the new hot spot and already makes claims on success rates.  On the other hand, with Twitter there’s a new, faster way to be cheated on by your tweetheart.

Naysayers call it ‘blogging on amphetamines,’ but there are some benefits.  Staying in touch with and meeting people seems to rank highest on the list.  In other words, you’re never alone nor are you lonely.  While a lot of social sites are good for daily contact, Twitter is minute-by-minute.  For relationships, it’s a way to spend consistent time with your love when you’re apart.  With a new romance, it’s similar to speed dating, but sped up.  In business, those that Twitter have an edge on those who don’t.  Bloggers report an increase in visits, since the Twitter messages are so short,  leaving readers curious for more information.

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There are so many terms for ‘bad people’ that influence you in such negative ways.  Emotional leeches, psychic vampires, the hystericals and drama queens (a.k.a. social vamps).  We all have them in our circumference.  Many of us have to deal with them on a daily basis.  What a lot of us don’t take into account, however, is how they can affect our moods, personalities and even our health if we give them too much sway.  Our guilt plays a gruesome game between our conscience and our own needs- usually with guilt getting a leg up, over and under our skin.

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Doing the dating scene.  There are so many different aspects to it: the right clothes, the right lines and flirtation devices, getting a first date- and then going on it.  A lot of things can happen on that first date (or second, or third) and they can catch you off-guard, or even put you in a face-reddening situation with the man of your dreams- turning it into the last date you two will ever have.  There are some essential items every woman should bring along with her on a date.  A kind of dating First-Aid, if you will:

1. Cash Card/Bank Card

A cash card/bank card that’s actually got funds available.  Anything can happen, and cash is one of the best ways to get out of bad situations.  You might need an emergency taxi ride. Or your date might come up embarrassingly short.  Whether your date is going well or badly, anything can happen.  It literally pays to be prepared.

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