How lazy did you get in the relationship? It’s a little funny, that you’re the victim…when you might have been pushing him away into someone else’s arms, and then you get high and mighty. How dare she??? How dare you ignore him. How dare you feel so insulted, when all you’ve done in recent months is minimize and belittle him. It’s no wonder he sought comfort- you are fully culpable. You need to take responsibility for the situation, too. A relationship is two people, not you constantly being placated and catered to- at his expense. You give nothing, you get nothing. And ‘she’ gets the good bits.

That’s the part that really makes you angry, isn’t it? That she fulfills him in a way you never could. That you wouldn’t dream of doing. It doesn’t have to be sexual- most cheating that happens is based on emotional fulfillment. Not physical. You pushed him away, with the security he’d always be there…and now? Keep pushing, you’ll end up in divorce court. With bells on. Playing the injured party can only go so far. Because, scientifically and statistically, it’s impossible for so many men to be such bastards. You created the situation, and now you’re looking for a scapegoat to make yourself feel better.

The Other Woman

Who is she, exactly? Most women would have us all believe that she’s a sniping, vindictive cow that attacked him at his weakest point. That the Other woman doesn’t love him, she’s using him. She plotted, days months or years to get him and steal him away from his loving wife and family. Do you see it now? When it’s written, it looks ridiculous. Because it is. It’s pretty unbelievable that society condones the behavior of the ‘wronged wife,’ but doesn’t allow for how the wife contributed to the demise of the marriage. After having no or ritual sex over a year, is it really so surprising that he’d find a connection somewhere else? With someone who actually makes him feel good to be him?

The only surprising thing about the whole cheating scheme is that you forgot him until someone else came into the picture. Then- and only then- do you appreciate what you have and fight for him. Why weren’t you fighting for him, letting him know his importance to your life, on a daily basis?  You feel under-appreciated? Poor you. He’s feeling worse, and you helped. You minimized him as a man, as a person, as a human with feelings. You kept pushing, he finally made a self-preservation choice of staying away. And now you’re upset?

The Other Woman is a colleague. A friend. A momentary meeting that reminded him of his worth. She’s not a harlot, a manipulator, a beast. She epitomizes everything that you aren’t:  supportive. Understanding. Caring, about him as an entity. She’s appreciative of all of his good qualities. The ones you’ve forgotten or misplaced. She is you, when you first met him. That’s the bones of the new relationship skeleton. You can blame him for being weak. You can blame yourself for having a short-term memory. But no, you can’t blame the other woman for making him feel like a man.