How lazy did you get in the relationship? It’s a little funny, that you’re the victim…when you might have been pushing him away into someone else’s arms, and then you get high and mighty. How dare she??? How dare you ignore him. How dare you feel so insulted, when all you’ve done in recent months is minimize and belittle him. It’s no wonder he sought comfort- you are fully culpable. You need to take responsibility for the situation, too. A relationship is two people, not you constantly being placated and catered to- at his expense. You give nothing, you get nothing. And ‘she’ gets the good bits.

That’s the part that really makes you angry, isn’t it? That she fulfills him in a way you never could. That you wouldn’t dream of doing. It doesn’t have to be sexual- most cheating that happens is based on emotional fulfillment. Not physical. You pushed him away, with the security he’d always be there…and now? Keep pushing, you’ll end up in divorce court. With bells on. Playing the injured party can only go so far. Because, scientifically and statistically, it’s impossible for so many men to be such bastards. You created the situation, and now you’re looking for a scapegoat to make yourself feel better.

The Other Woman

Who is she, exactly? Most women would have us all believe that she’s a sniping, vindictive cow that attacked him at his weakest point. That the Other woman doesn’t love him, she’s using him. She plotted, days months or years to get him and steal him away from his loving wife and family. Do you see it now? When it’s written, it looks ridiculous. Because it is. It’s pretty unbelievable that society condones the behavior of the ‘wronged wife,’ but doesn’t allow for how the wife contributed to the demise of the marriage. After having no or ritual sex over a year, is it really so surprising that he’d find a connection somewhere else? With someone who actually makes him feel good to be him?

The only surprising thing about the whole cheating scheme is that you forgot him until someone else came into the picture. Then- and only then- do you appreciate what you have and fight for him. Why weren’t you fighting for him, letting him know his importance to your life, on a daily basis?  You feel under-appreciated? Poor you. He’s feeling worse, and you helped. You minimized him as a man, as a person, as a human with feelings. You kept pushing, he finally made a self-preservation choice of staying away. And now you’re upset?

The Other Woman is a colleague. A friend. A momentary meeting that reminded him of his worth. She’s not a harlot, a manipulator, a beast. She epitomizes everything that you aren’t:  supportive. Understanding. Caring, about him as an entity. She’s appreciative of all of his good qualities. The ones you’ve forgotten or misplaced. She is you, when you first met him. That’s the bones of the new relationship skeleton. You can blame him for being weak. You can blame yourself for having a short-term memory. But no, you can’t blame the other woman for making him feel like a man.

The Ladies:

A bunny boiler: A woman who gets crazed, obsessive and is scary. From Fatal Attraction, the famous scene of the pot on the stove, boiling-?

To glomp: Similar to a bunny boiler, but less drastic- a little desperate. Usage is:  Is she glomping you? I think she was glomping me.

Guyatus: When a girl or woman takes time off of dating anyone, usually after a bad experience. She’s ‘suffering from guyatus.’

Guys:

A paternity fest: The celebration that a guy has when he finds out he isn’t the father of someone’s child.

A management ring: The promise or engagement ring a man gives his girl, to stop her from complaining (without any plans of getting married).

A manicorn: The sensitive, soulful man-friend who in reality is an imaginary creature (man + unicorn).

General Slang:

A non: The worst description you could give someone- a non is so unimportant it’s a non-issue. They don’t exist or aren’t attractive.

An umfriend: The friend (or more) that you introduce awkwardly. “This is Bob.  He’s my…um…friend?”

To be butter: Someone with a nice body but the face is less than attractive.

Arm candy: A date you are only out with as ‘decoration’ for your arm, attractive but not much else.

The slow fade/to pull a Houdini: When you want to stop dating someone, and instead of telling them you just… gradually… poof! Disappear.

To cupcake: Spending quality time with your partner, typically at home, instead of going out.

A starter marriage: The first marriage, usually very short and sweet, that paves the way to the ‘real marriage.’

A shackpack: The bag you take with you that has a toothbrush, some clean clothes, etc.- because you hope to stay the night with a romance.

Book: Cool. Stemming from T-9 mistakes from trying to write cool, it’s now unbook to use cool.

To bookmark someone: To make a mental note to get back to a person for a more in-depth conversation/meeting/date.

Jawn: A person, place or thing. “That jawn was hot, did you see her?” Mainly Philly area.

Sexting: Two meanings:

a:) to send sexy texts to a partner in a flirtatious way and

b:) sending actual naked photos via phone.

This lingo is not a full list, by any means- and the year is still far from over. At least you’re geared up for the dating world with 2009 lingo. Very, very book.

Starting with hair: the length of your hair can reflect your personality.  The shorter and more stylish it is, the more it tells others you’re high-maintenance, high-strung and meticulous.  It can also be a signal of insecurity because of the constant upkeep.  The most girlfriend-friendly hairstyles are mid-length, from chin to shoulders.  You take care of yourself, but don’t overdo it.  Long hair can be two different things:  either you’re attempting to recapture or play on youthfulness (which can be a sign of desperation if you’re an older woman) or that you simply don’t care.

Hair color is another readable factor.  Many women color their hair, and the choices in coloring speak volumes.  Black hair is the intentional rebel.  Brown hair is (again) the most friendly, because it’s the most common.  With warm highlights, it shows openness.  Red hair is the rarest, and will soon die out altogether.  A woman who colors her hair red is ready for a relationship and looking for attention.  Bottle blonds can come off as icy or unapproachable, and because the bleach does so much damage the ends get brittle.  Not keeping it trimmed makes a stereotypical cheapness.

The clothing we wear is also a reflection, not just in the style but in the color choices.  Here are the most common:

• Red. Again, signaling that you’re ready for a relationship or looking for some excitement. It’s the most eye-catching color, and that’s what it’s worn for.
• Black. Either a protection mechanism or a contrast to highlight the other features (i.e. figure and face).
• Brown. While it may be natural, it’s also a natural repellent since it brings to mind dinge and dirt.
• Yellow. Happiness, sunniness and joy in general, it can also scare people away from you if it’s too bright.  Imagine someone cheerful waking you up at 5am on a Sunday.
• White. Spotlessness tells of a clean freak, someone who would insist on coasters at the dinner table.  It can also be a sign of purity or untouchable-ness.
• Purple. A free spirit wears purple, and doesn’t care who likes it or not.  Especially vivid purples.  Independent and feisty.

• Blue. It can be complementary (for example, to match or bring out blue eyes) or it can seem commonplace or general.  Blue is the most common color worn by both men and women, and it blends in.
• Monotone outfits. Wearing all of one color is the same as erecting a wall between you and the world.
• Clashing outfits. A reflection of a lack of taste or thought, or it could be a cry for attention.

Make-up is an obvious way to tell a lot about someone.  Pan-cake make-up has connections to insecurities and cheapness.  Au naturelle is a coin-toss between natural beauty and confidence or laziness.  The in-betweens are saying they take care of themselves but don’t obsess.

It might be good to know the next time you’re getting ready for a hot date exactly what unspoken subtleties you’re telling him, and vice-versa.

It was interesting to find out that out of twelve women, at least one will be stalked in her life.  And for you men out there, you might be interested to find out one out of forty-five are going to be stalked. By other men. You’d envision Bunny Boilers, but you’re getting Harry Hares instead. Oh, yes, please.  Isn’t it nice to know someone finds you yummy?

At least there is an answer and a solution for those of us that aren’t fans of Fatal Attraction- we can, in the States, go to the law and win.  Many states now have laws against stalking that include emails and texting.  In criminal language, it’s called e-trailing and textual harassment. You can not only make them keep a distance, but also get legal space from the mental that’s fixated on you.

It sounds like great news, but unfortunately most people try to deal with their own, cute and personally-amplified stalkers on their own.  Many times, it ends up with them (the stalkers) hurting their ideal.  Need a simple example?  John Lennon.  Look at the facts, and then apply them to your less-than-famous life.  You’re more than likely in trouble if you’re being stalked.

Leaving it be and hoping it- they- will quietly go away is like hoping that foul-smelling gangrene in your leg will improve if you keep thinking positively.  Sensitivity is great.  Trying not to hurt someone’s feelings is great.  Modifying your behavior, your life and letting your partner, friends and family possibly become the target of harms’ way is cowardice.

Taking some sort of action is not only commendable, but necessary.  Being aware and active puts the driver’s seat back where you want to drive, and takes their misguided power away.  Don’t wait for ages- just to let you know, the typical stalker goes manic for roughly 1.2 years.  Patience is an opiate for these people.  You don’t have to put your life on pause, or change your job- you simply have to take care of that particular person.  Now.

Keep in mind that stalking is a two-way street if you do nothing:  they devote their free time, their lives, to you.  In turn, you have devotion of avoiding, obsessing on what they might do and no real interaction with others- because they become exactly what they hoped for.  Your sole focus.

Think about your stalker the same way you would approach an illness:  prevention prevents having to try (and possibly failing) at treatment.  Do you really want to devote one year of your life to someone who clearly doesn’t respect you enough to respect your boundaries?  Or your taste?  Which in a nutshell, is your you.

Find a stalking forum, speak to authorities, get some help from outside sources and get rid of them, already.  It’s time to subtract them from your lifely equation, so that you can start living again.  Unless you’re enjoying the drama.  Which in that case: good luck and godspeed.  I hope you like rabbit.

It’s actually got a psychological term that’s been scientifically proven:  emotional contagion.  Think back through the years to all of those you’ve known that were needy, clingy, continuously vicious and enraged, the people that once you left them you felt absolutely drained.  You were in a good mood, and it can take less than minutes for a ‘negative’ personality to wipe that joy slate clean.  They might have even left you feeling downright surly.  Neuroscience says that deeply unhappy people infect others, because we are subconscious mirrors to those around us.  Spending a lot of time with certain people, we pick up their gestures, their phrases and eventually their behavior.  We’re unconscious mimics- or unconscious hosts.  Identify the types:

• Emotional Leeches: these are the people that are always in need, always come to you for advice, phone you up, and never solve their problems.  They feed off of your sympathy and kindness, coming back for more.  In extreme cases, they may even go the serial liar path just to have a constant influx of badness.  They can be friends, co-workers or family.  The only thing that matters:  they’re sucking the glee out of you, walking away feeling ‘so much better.’

• Psychic Vampires: a sub-let to leeches, they’re more specified and professional.  They have, dunno, special needs?  These are people who need to start arguments, or flirt outrageously, or those that kill everyone with kindness and then lap up the guilt.  They only feel satisfied if they get the ‘required’ response.  They walk away from the encounter with relief, while you’re left reacting.

• Drama Queens: they can’t exist without an audience.  They can be awkward, embarrassing, bullying, over-running the conversation to be ‘me, me, me’ focused and are pretty obnoxious. Part of the reason they become part of our lives is that initially they can be fun. Entertaining, even, if we feel a little bored.  Unfortunately, they never let up.  They’re insensitive to anyone’s needs, and tend to throw tantrums if they’re even mildly not paid attention to.

• The Hystericals: an off-shoot of drama queens.  Hystericals notch it up 2 decibels.  Ranting, raving, screaming, crying at the drop of a hat, inappropriate laughter that rings hours after a meeting.  It’s always the end of the world for these people.

There is good news, though- if you attract them, it means you’re generally happy and stable.  Getting rid of them is tough on guilt-trips but you have to stay strong.  Limit contact, if you can’t sever it completely.  They’ll keep trying to come back.  Don’t waver.  Just remember:  happiness is the left side of the brain and it’s logical.  Anger, resentment or depression are all right-siders, and they’re irrational.  Cleansing yourself of external negativity means you’re in the right frame of mind, even if your head’s a southpaw.

1. Cash Card/Bank Card

A cash card/bank card that’s actually got funds available.  Anything can happen, and cash is one of the best ways to get out of bad situations.  You might need an emergency taxi ride. Or your date might come up embarrassingly short.  Whether your date is going well or badly, anything can happen.  It literally pays to be prepared.

2. Mobile/Cell

There’s the chance you might need to get out of your date, for an ‘emergency,’ if you’re on a nightmare date.  Be tactful with it- put it on vibrate, don’t reply to texts from your friends during a conversation.

3. Lip-goo/Gloss/lipstick/chap stick

Your lips are one of your most sell-able assets you have on a date, and where men’s eyes linger.  There’s nothing worse than having it wear-off halfway, or get smudged across your chin- which will have him staring at you for all of the wrong reasons.

4. Mini-perfume

Perfume can fade.  You don’t want to smell like the dinner you’ve just both eaten, make a discreet visit to the Ladies and refresh.  Don’t bathe in it- some people have allergies.  It isn’t romantic watching your date sneeze every 5 seconds.

5. Eye-liner/eye-shadow

Make-up bleeds, runs, drips.  Raccoon eyes are sexy on the runway (depending on the fashion), but not on a date.  If you’ve got a pimple, bring your cover-stick to do touch-ups throughout the night.

6. Pony-tail holder/clip

If you’re out together for a long evening, it’s useful to be able to not only let your hair down but put it up.  This is especially true for those nights out dancing, or activity dates.

7. Light Sweater

For all seasons (winter being the exception), the weather can change instantly.  Having something along with you- just in case- helps not distract him from your beauty to your goosebumps or shirt-bumps.

8. Chewing Gum/mints

Eating, drinking coffee, drinking- all of these can leave a nasty residue in your mouth- you don’t want to taste like regurgitated food.  Don’t leave the gum for the last moment, using it continually through the night makes you more kissable.

9. Clean Undies

This is for more advanced dates, clearly.  But as our mothers always told us, you can never be too careful.  There’s the added plus of wearing comfortable undies for the date and swapping for sexy ones towards the end of the evening.

10. Condoms

Whatever your birth control preferences, condoms are a dating staple.  Having more than one handy (you really never do know where the night will take you) gives you the relief of not running around town looking for an open mini-mart.

It’s fun dating and (possibly) mating.  With these few essentials to carry with you on your date, you’ll be prepared for everything and anything.

This site offers free online dating service to singles looking for a soul mate as well as a successful long-term romantic relationship. There are more than thousands of internet dating sites available on the web, but this is one dating portal, which truly stands out. Firstly, it entertains only genuine members, who are seriously looking for a meaningful relationship. The site is extremely user friendly and allows the user to view profiles of potential mates, interact with them and post information about oneself. The best thing about the site is that one need not worry that the personal details would be leaked out.

The site allows an individual to find love and romance without the fear of being harassed or the details being misused. The members can even browse through categories for their specific choice for some religion, sports, hobbies or interests. Yes, it is that easy. If you are looking for a partner and have in mind some prerequisites like some qualities, interests or faith in a concept, all you need to do is to browse to the specific category and choose from the available choices and members. Finding love was never so easy!